


All That I Am

by entanglednow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hypothermia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-22
Updated: 2009-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 17:37:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entanglednow/pseuds/entanglednow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thinks maybe someone dragged him all the way back to life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That I Am

  
Dean remembers the ice, he remembers falling through the ice. An instant of cold so fierce it was almost like physical weight. It was like being crushed and burned and broken apart.

He remembers - thinks he remembers - that he died.

He doesn't seem to be dead any more.

His chest hurts and his mouth is soft and numb.

He thinks maybe someone dragged him all the way back to life. He's pressed into skin, what feels like miles of it, bare and smooth and hot like a furnace, throwing out its heat and curling it round Dean's stiff, jerking limbs.

Shivering, shivering is good.

Hurts like a bitch but it's good.

The skin shifts under his cheek, slides where his chest and waist are shoved into it. Strong arms, really freakin' strong arms haul him in closer, until his face is pressed into the rough skin of a shoulder and throat. Dean knows it isn't Sam, wrong size, wrong shape, too _soft._

Castiel?

Which is weird in a way Dean's brain can't quite connect for a few seconds. He's too busy coming back from dying to piece everything together in anything other than hazy fragments.

He gets there eventually though. To that surprised discovery that everyone is naked. Though he honestly doesn't have the energy to make any jokes.

Castiel's been around a year and Dean's barely seen him with his clothes dishevelled and now the angel's bare ass freakin' naked and shoved up against him.

He's no longer sure if he's laughing or shivering.

But, even if he is groggy and cold and hurting, his body reacts, predictably, to the crush of skin against skin. An almost half-hearted thud of interest, low in his groin. Hilariously optimistic given his current state. But it's something to concentrate on, something good. Something that isn't the sound of his teeth chattering and his stomach cramping and seizing on every breath. He presses his face a little deeper into Castiel's neck, until he can feel the low and steady thud of a pulse, strangely vital considering Castiel's strange almost alien relationship to his vessel.

Dean's useless fingers are tucked somewhere at his own stomach, backs pressed against skin that isn't his own. Twitching and stiff and he thinks they're going to hurt when they eventually work out they're not dying any more. Dean's too tired, too cold and heavy to make words. But he thinks he manages something ragged and garbled that might be gratitude and Castiel's arm tightens around him.

It takes Dean a handful of slow seconds to realise that Castiel isn't entirely unaffected by the way they're pressed together. Which is surprising. Because that suggests that either Castiel doesn't have perfect control over his body or - he's enjoying the _warmth of human companionship_. Hell, Dean wasn't even a hundred percent sure he was capable of that, especially since Jimmy vacated the premises.

Castiel seems to realise that Dean has noticed, he goes very still.

"Dean-" Castiel starts uncertainly and Dean suspects there's going to be some sort of horrendously awkward apology about the whole 'inappropriate erection' thing. Which he'd so much rather _not have._

"It's fine," Dean tells him, voice vibrating in a way that's ridiculous. "It's ok, it happens, I kind of have the same problem myself."

Which he does, more so than before, even with the whole 'still suffering from hypothermia' thing. He's not sure whether to be impressed or ashamed by his body’s flagrant abuse of its own blood supply when he needs it most.

Castiel very slowly relaxes, though he's no longer pressing in quite so thoroughly. As if he's being careful, restraining himself.

Dean's kind of amused at the idea of Castiel restraining himself from taking advantage of Dean while he's half-frozen.

But his stomach and thighs aren't as warm as they were before.

Dean can't help but wonder if it's him. If Castiel thinks about him like that. He's an angel, but maybe angels don't have a gender thing. Maybe they just have a 'love' thing and when you end up in flesh and get rewired that way. Maybe the body just reinterprets everything with the biology it has.

Maybe Cas is learning how to want and this whole naked assistance thing is pretty much throwing him in at the deep end.

Dean is just the closest body.

Dean is familiar, maybe even safe.

The whole world kind of turns upside down a little bit. Because Dean isn't wondering if it's him. He thinks he _wants_ it to be him. He wants Castiel to react like that to him, for that quiet and maybe even unexpected moment where he _feels_ something to be because of him.

Dean breathes surprise for a long minute, fingers still on the angel's skin.

Then he pulls Castiel in closer, arms folding to curve round the angels warm back, he lets his hands spread on his shoulder blades and the shallow curve of his spine. He pulls until they're pressed together so tightly there's barely room to breathe between them.

"Is this what you want?" Dean asks quietly, and he can feel his own breath flare back off of Castiel's skin. There's a soft, dizzy uncertainty in his voice.

Castiel tenses under his hands, but doesn't move away. Dean's aware suddenly of everywhere they touch. Every line of skin, every twitching muscle, and the heat where their hips are slotted together tightly. He tips his head back, hand lifting and folding round the warmth of Castiel's neck. He pulls gently, turns Castiel's face down until he can see him.

There are so many things he can't hide there. The wide, almost stunned blue of his eyes, the softness of his mouth, and the tension, like Castiel is holding himself so still and so tightly.

"It's ok, Cas," Dean tells him, and there's just a suggestion of a shiver in his voice now. Because everything is really freakin' warm now and he thinks maybe he knows why, even if he's slow to get there.

He tightens his hand, pulls the angel down a little further and finds Castiel's mouth with his own. It's one long moment of warmth that Dean's fairly sure will change everything. But, God help him, it feels like he's been waiting to do that for months. Castiel makes a soft, helpless noise and the arm around Dean's waist tightens in one steady curl of pressure.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [All That I Am [podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490035) by [KD reads (KDHeart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDHeart/pseuds/KD%20reads)




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